Otherwise
Jane Kenyon
I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.
At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.
De otra manera
Jane Kenyon
Me levanté de la cama
sobre dos piernas fuertes
Podría haber sido
de otra manera. Comí
cereales, leche
dulce, un melocotón, maduro
impecable. Podría
haber sido de otra manera.
Subí con el perro la cuesta
arriba a los abedules.
La mañana entera hacía
el trabajo que amo.
Al mediodía me tumbé
con mi pareja. Podría
haber sido de otra manera.
Nos cenamos
en una mesa con candeleros
de plata. Podría
haber sido de otra manera.
Yo me dormía en una cama
en un cuarto con cuadros
sobre las paredes, y
planeé otro día
igual como este día.
Pero algún día, ya sé,
será de otra manera.
It seems unnecessary to explicate everything in full here, so I'll leave off with a vague list of "problems," or better said, debatable and important
1. Choosing between Peninsular Spanish and Latin American Spanish: succumbing to linguistic hegemony and the problem of dialects in translation. "melocotón" and "me tumbé" being specific examples.
2. "I took the dog uphill"
3. "the birch wood"
4. "flawless" as "impecable"
5. "We ate dinner together" as "nos cenamos"
The list could and does go on. For now I'm proud of the little bit of art that I think this translation makes. In all seriousness, we have to keep in mind that done another day, it might have been, well, different.
As I mentioned before, the change I notice immediately is in the sound/syllables. In English the poet chose monosyllabic words, which isn't really an option in Spanish. I don't know why I keep coming back to that; I guess what I like about this poem is the problems it poses, translating from one language to another and from one culture to another. And that's where the choice of Peninsular vs Latin American Spanish really comes into play. It's not only a question of audience but of meaning. How does one translate culture? It makes translating a poem like this very difficult and translating something like Frost's "Birches" impossible. That's why it's so important to examine the creative nature of translation.
ReplyDeleteBut it's really a good translation; it was worth sticking with it because the result is something that, despite the difficulties in translating culture, is accessible and interesting to read.
I thought about the problem of the use of monosyllabic words in the original in terms of the aesthetic narrowness of the poem also. On the page the English poem not only conveys scarcity or a certain sense of sparseness through the monosyllabic words, but also through the shortness and brevity of the lines as they appear before being read. Every lines contains either 3,4, or 5 words and I agree that this is seemingly impossible in Spanish...the longest line of my translation is 6 words, but many more lines have 5 than in the original. In fact the line with six is "Yo me dormía en una cama" which we had talked about together, deciding to add "yo" for emphasis against "nos cenamos." I could take the "yo" out and be more "faithful" to the "original"....
DeletePer... accessible as what, and to whom? Impossible, how?
ReplyDeleteLaura, me encanta la traduccion, como sabes. A few notes re your notes:
1. Ultimately until you have a more specific audience, I would let this one go. The poem is reflective of your experience as a Spanish speaker-- as anglos studying Spanish in the states it's normal that things are a bit mixed up due to different exposure to Spanish speakers/teachers we encounter.
2. As discussed earlier, I like 'subi con el perro'.. I think that the dog appears as less of an object than without the conjunction
3. as discussed, i like it
4. Me encanta 'impecable' para 'flawless'... as you mentioned there is a beautiful association with 'pecar', as well as an interesting inverted mirror of negation (im- prefix vs. -less suffix) the m going into the p creates a seal on the lips that evokes perfection itself, opening on the l, to close, in decadence. 'flawless' beautiful repeating l's also giving a sense of tongue, of taste.
5.a bit dicey... spanish is not so familiar to me now so its hard to propose a better alternative, but i think you dealt with it well.
I like your phrase 'aesthetic narrowness' i think you hit the nail on the head.. simplicity is also achieved with emphasis in spanish... 'yo me dormia en una cama'... simplicity is evoked in how it draws the phrase out...
in the same sense your refrain 'podria haber sido de otra manera' cannot be equivalent to 'it might have been otherwise,' it does however mimic it touchingly, and you guard 'otra/other' which i know was important for you.. still i think there might be something better out there for it-- who knows, it may come to you in the middle of the night one of these days... de todos modos buen trabajo
"Accessible" in that people who have no familiarity with New England culture can still get a sense of the starkness and "nature."
Delete"Impossible" in that Frost depends on his audience sharing his experience to create a nostalgic resonance. "Often you must have seen them," he writes, and although he goes on to describe birches and forests in detail, it's still not something I think a person from outside New England, or not raised with a vision of New England, could visualize in the same way. It plays completely on American nostalgia.
I am interested in taking a shot at "Birches" the more I think about it, perhaps a possible post could be presenting three separate translations and examining the differences/similarities/ etc that arise. Actually, can we please do that?
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that came to my mind when I read your interpretation of "impossible" here was García Lorca's "Granada." I think it may present a similar "impossibility," also because he has a fame similar to Frost's that is also deeply connected to his physical space (and, of course, his martyrdom, which is another topic....)